


It's Not Like I'm Falling In Love

by orphan_account



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Highschool AU, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-16
Updated: 2016-02-16
Packaged: 2018-05-21 03:13:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6035758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>love<br/>/lʌv/<br/>to feel deep affection for (someone).<br/>e.g. "do you love me?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Not Like I'm Falling In Love

**Author's Note:**

  * For [RoyalNebula](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoyalNebula/gifts).



“You’re such a slut, Grell,” he said, mocking.  
I whipped around, face screwed up in anger, jabbing my finger at him.  
“Has it ever occurred to you that I fall in love with so many people because I know that none of them will ever love me back?” I screamed, ferocious.  
“No excuses.” He laughed. “There’s no reason for being so-”  
“Please!” I grabbed his collar and slammed him against the lockers. “Just shut up! I’ve trusted you for so long, and now you betray it all? How dare you!”  
He was breathing deeply from hitting the lockers so hard, but he still managed a derisive smile.  
“Sebastian! Stop it!”  
“Oh, Grell…” He tried making up with a wink at me, but I wouldn’t let him.  
“No way am I falling for that,” I growled. “Don’t ever come near me again, okay?”  
“Whatever.” He smiled lightly, wetting his lips.  
I closed my eyes tightly, trying not to let this effervescence in my chest take control. No such luck.  
Our kiss was angry and confused (angry on my part, confused on his), and I knew he was only kissing me because he wouldn’t give up any intimate contact after having been lusting after little Ciel for so long. When I realised what I was doing, I pushed myself away, pressing my hand against Sebastian’s chest and staring for as little time as possible into the baffled laughter in his eyes.  
Then I ran.  
Through the corridor with my hand covering my mouth and tears already pooling in my eyes. Past my staring schoolmates and into the bathroom, flinging my bag into an open stall and following it. The heat I’d felt with Sebastian’s tongue in my mouth was flooding away, dissipating into sadness and anger. With the door locked, I collapsed onto the floor and buried my head in my hands. Had Sebastian thought this every time that I told him of a new crush? Or was this a new observation? Either way, I hated him for it. How dare he say such a thing to me? He knew how pathetic I was. I didn’t need him to rub it in.  
The door to the bathroom opened and I gasped, putting two fingers in my mouth to stop myself from making any more noise. The only problem was, if I moved at all, I would trigger my gag reflex, and then I would make even more noise. Possibly even throw up. And I didn’t want that. I came here to sob my pitiful little heart out, not to cough up my lungs retching. Of course, just like always, I didn’t get what I wanted. I was still crying, and the tears running into my open mouth caused me to cough slightly, jolting my fingers into the back of my throat. Ugly choking ensued. I didn’t need a mirror to tell me that I looked hideous. In no time at all, I was retching and whimpering feebly at the same time. Goddamn it. Today was really not going my way.  
“Hey, are you alright in there?”  
Oh, shit.  
I knew that voice. William.  
I couldn’t believe it. How could he, of all people, end up in here with me? No, not how. Why? To be seen, by him especially, in my fifteen minutes of weakness was so shameful. I didn’t know what to answer, or how. Or if I should.  
“Hello? Do you want me to get one of the school nurses?”  
“No!” I said (in the most strangled voice possible). “No. I’ll be fine.”  
“You don’t sound-” He stopped suddenly. “Grell? Is that you?”  
Shit, shit, shit, shit.  
“Yes.” I sighed. “It’s me.”  
“Are you going to come out and talk to me?” He said softly. “I won’t bite.”  
“I…” I wiped my face with my sleeve, disgusted at how wet it was when I took it away, then stood up shakily. With my bag slung over my shoulder, I unlocked the door as slowly as I could. Anything to delay meeting his eyes when I came back out.  
“Grell…” He whispered.  
I hung my head, trying to swallow the raw emotion in the back of my throat as I stood in the stall doorway.  
“What’s happened to you?” He said, gently taking my hand.  
I jumped slightly as he did so, not answering. I knew it was a question best left unanswered, anyway.  
“You wouldn’t… Y-you wouldn’t want to know.”  
I pulled my hand out of his, staring at myself in the mirror, at the blotchy red patches on my cheeks and the tear tracks finding their way down to my chin. I dropped my gaze to the sink and breathed a shuddery sigh.  
“What if I do?” He bent down next to me, brushing my hair behind my ear in effort to look at me. I so desperately wanted to turn to face him, to look into the green, green eyes that were the only thing we had in common. Instead, I shook my head, and my hair fell back in front of my face.  
“Trust me on this one,” I said. “You don’t want t-to know.”  
“Okay.” He leaned against the sink. “I trust you.”  
The effervescence was back. Three simple words, that meant as much as ‘I love you’, and more. They were all it took.  
I bit my lip and took off my glasses, wiping my eyes again. I turned away from William to make sure that he still couldn’t see my face. I wasn’t ready to make eye contact with him just yet. He had such a strong gaze; it would be too much.  
“He thinks I’m a slut!” The words burned on their way out, and I couldn’t believe I’d said them. I broke down once again, my legs giving way to my head almost smashing against the sink - had William not caught me.  
“Who does?” He said, anger dangerously evident in his voice. Was he angry at me, or, or…?  
“Sebastian.”  
“That-!”  
I finally turned to face him, just as he started to go pink.  
“William? Are you okay?”  
“Yes, yes, I’m fine.” He smiled at me - a genuine smile - and breathed out possibly the longest breathe I didn’t know anyone could take. He was still holding me, and I was hyper aware of his fingers pressing lightly onto my waist. “May I ask why he thinks this?”  
Oh, God, no. Ask anything other than that.  
I hated myself for it, but I burst into tears once again.  
“Ah! God, I’m sorry!” For some reason, he held me closer, my nose resting on his chest. He smelt of old books and cinnamon. “I’m so sorry. Please, forget I said it.”  
I wasn’t sure what to do. Or where to put my hands. Did I hug him back, or push him away? I decided on the latter.  
“It’s okay.” I hiccuped. “I’m fine.”  
I turned away, then turned the tap on and splashed water onto my face, incredibly thankful for no one else having intruded upon our… Whatever that was. After deep breaths one, two, and three, I stared again into my reflection, until satisfied that the red tracks on my face had faded enough for me to leave the bathroom.  
“Thank you, William. I’ll be seeing you around.”  
It hurt my heart to walk out so shamelessly and without feeling, but I had made my choice. I walked out, only pausing at the door to wave flirtatiously and put on a smile. No one could know about this, except him.  
“G-goodbye, Grell…”  
______________________________________________________________________________

I walked in the next day with a fresh outfit, a fresh smile, and the complications of a late bus. Usually, it was early enough for me to be able to get to my locker and then into my form room without having to pass too many people in the hall, but not then, no siree. Thousands of whispers always followed me wherever I went. Me, the gay androgynous kid with bright red hair and a ditzy reputation. Ignoring everyone was something I’d grown used to during lunch and between lessons, just not before classes began. I didn’t count me being in my form room as being ‘pre-lessons’. A teacher was usually in there to stop the catcalls.  
I was nearing my locker when I heard Sebastian’s voice. I knew, of course, that his locker was across the hallway from mine. I just wasn’t expecting to hear William, too. I rounded the corner to see him pinning Sebastian again his locker, right up in his face.  
Tears immediately stung my eyes. He played me yesterday? I stopped right where I was, resisting the urge to stomp my foot and run, screaming, from the halls. Why did everything I love come crashing down so messily?  
“William, please-”  
William slammed his hand against the locker right next to Sebastian’s head. Suddenly, it didn’t seem too friendly.  
“Tell me!” He said, voice rising. “Why did you say that to them?”  
“I didn’t-”  
“Don’t lie to me, Sebastian!” William yelled, furious. “Why did you say it?”  
I could barely keep myself from crying. William was defending me? My… My darling Will.  
“They love you, William!” Sebastian spat. “Me, you, and everyone else in this goddamn school! I wasn’t lying to them!”  
William gave a cry of outrage.  
“How dare you?” He said, voice dropping to an ominous whisper. “How fucking dare you?”  
At this point, I couldn’t help myself. My bag slid off my shoulder and I let a small sob of scared happiness. Both of them turned their heads and stared. Then-  
“Grell!” William took one last withering look at Sebastian, and ran over to me, enveloping me in a huge hug. Books and cinnamon.  
“Hello, Will,” I said weakly, although my voice was muffled from being pressed so tightly against him. He pulled back slightly, brushing my hair behind my ear again.  
“You know, I love you, too.” He smiled. “Even if you never let me spend time with you.”  
“God, I never thought-”  
“Oh, Sutcliff.” He cut me off by pressing his lips to mine, arms around my waist. I hadn’t expected this, but as my grip on his wrist became weak, I realised that nothing I expected ever came true. Maybe I should ask for less. Or maybe I was lucky.  
Either way, I didn’t care. He was mine.


End file.
